Episode 118: Taking 100% Responsibility

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she's still

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laughing that's so [Music]

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funny welcome to five lemons lab we're the real stuff the lemons making

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lemonade so Puck her up because we're going to be discussing our life's lessons and the nitty-gritty details of

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our spiritual Journeys

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hey y'all I'm Amanda and I'm Drusilla I'm Melissa hello this is

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Morgan and I'm Penny Welcome to our podcast

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today welcome to another episode of five lemons laughing we have all of our lemonades here today and I'm so excited

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welcome back Melissa she's been gone for a couple episodes oh today we have a fun one so

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what if I told you that no one and I mean no one is responsible for how you

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feel except you ouch yep we're going there today today

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we're diving into one of the most challenging and freeing teachings of a

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course of Miracles the idea that we are 100%

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responsible for our perceptions our reactions and ultimately our Peace So if

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you ever found yourself blaming your circumstances your past or that one really annoying person in your life this

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is the episode for you so let's get into it so what does taking responsibility

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mean from a course of Miracles perspective and how is it different from the way the world

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typically views respons responsibility awesome question wow this

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is a big one today oh so um course of Miracles

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teaches us that taking responsibility like 100% not

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99 and a half 100% um meaning that everything we

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experience in this human body is related to our

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perceptions it's not the external things that are happening around us it is all

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based on how we perceive those things and that we are taking our own personal

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beliefs and projecting them outward and so everything we experience is being

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reflected back to us and I think most of us us are accustomed to knowing that in

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a sense of um sayings that we've heard when we were

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younger when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed everything goes wrong

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right and it that just means when you wake up with a a negative perception or

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thoughts about what the day is going to involve then of course that's what you're going to get and and that's

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basically what it means what the course is explaining um I think the word that comes to mind

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the most and that the course uses um to describe this is

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victimization that you know taking 100% responsibility means that you are not a

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victim of this world that you are a Creator or co-creating with the rest of

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the universe and so with that I think some stories

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might help us to understand a little more about you know how do

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you hell or how do you determine when you are living in vic victimhood or when

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you are blaming you know circumstances even if you're not blaming a person you're

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blaming circumstances like I know with a lot going on in the world today we are

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you know most of us are walking around saying the world is going to hell in a hand basket or something

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right you know and just even natural disasters right you know so let's get

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started let's dive in and let's get some clarifications around being 100 100%

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responsible you know the only thing that that just jumped well not the only thing one of the many things that jumped into

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my head as you were talking Drilla is that how humbling it is just to think

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about that I'm 100% responsible for everything in my life just like yeah

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just pause and think about that for a second well I'm glad you said that Penny

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because I was I was thinking as a way of just like really laying the hammer down

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putting the last nail in on what Drilla just said Like A Course in Miracles like

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a course of Miracle says that not only are we responsible for what we're

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experiencing we're actively choosing what we're experiencing and like God I

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had so much resistance to that concept at first I was like you gotta be effing kidding me I am not choosing this I you

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know I don't want to be fighting with my husband right now I don't want to have a negative balance in the bank account

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right now I don't want you know whatever the case may be um but it definitely is

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it doesn't foot around that it it says in no uncertain terms that we are

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actively choosing our experience and it may be on some subconscious or deeply

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buried layer that we're not aware of but it is happening

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nonetheless have a personal story like you know like a PR not a world just like

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husband and wife story that illustrates this perfectly so I have an

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wait aren't those husband and wife stories way they are good teachers they are oh my gosh you created it yeah yeah

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yeah you chose it I did I did I would choose it again I would so I have an old

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story in my head that my husband brings home his BS from work like when he comes

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home he's in a bad mood like I have this story

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for a long time and it did seem on some level that he did do that and I you know

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I think I've been working on myself a lot lately in letting all those stories go but um last week my husband was

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running home late I was watching a really good TV show and when he drove up I was like I

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better pause this so I could be present when my husband come you know walks in right and like I like that's amazing

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good job thank you yeah did PA I didn't turn

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it off I just paused bre because it was a really good show to it and then so

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Mike comes home and and um he went to put away his lunchbox stuff and the dish

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dishwasher was kind of full which is like a big thing like I think you can always get at least 10 more things in

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the dishwasher always like I yeah yes thank you thank you Mike is like if

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there's like five things in the dishwasher I'm exaggerating there's no more room so he got home and I know he

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hasn't been feeling well and he opened the dishwasher and was like like you know started complaining about the

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dishwasher and I'm just ignoring him I'm like all right I'm gonna be I'm gonna get on my spiritual high horse and I'm

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going to ignore this behavior and then he starts um

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talking to the dog about like no Tupperware available like where's this Tupperware where's you know like and

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he's talking to the dog but talking to me I I don't know if anybody else does that

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but so um in you know and again I'm like I'm gonna ignore this and then it kind

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of went on and on I'm like you know what I'm just gonna let him do his thing and I'm gonna turn back on my TV show and

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that one backfired on me like like immediate

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wow and um so any who it degraded from there just I

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don't need to go into details but it the whole scenario went downhill from there

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and um I recovered pretty quickly and in about 10 minutes later we were back to normal husband and wife tone but it took

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a it took a minute um defensiveness and all that stuff arose and then um I was

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really work working on it at once I got off my spiritual high horse I actually

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worked on my my own thinking like I realized I I

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realized like I am bringing up an old thought pattern from you

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know 10 years ago 15 years ago when you know he really Mike didn't like his job

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I mean like really he I was I was bringing the past forward I was holding

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expectations of how this went and I really went through a process of forgiveness and just recognizing that I

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was holding this so the next night without even thinking about it Mike drives up I let the dogs out and I'm

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standing there and I'm smiling and um Mike is like what happened what' you do

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what's wrong I'm like I'm just smiling at you was like ouch like in my mind I'm

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like oh my God does that mean I never show up smiling when he comes home

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so that was uh that was funny like so I had you know I did I had turned the TV

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off when he came home and I I was smiling because I was happy to see him

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and then the smack in the face reality is that I was contributing to the bad

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attitude when Mike comes home from work so that is percept that my example of

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perception and reality yeah it's a great example

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leanda thank you for sharing that fun story and it's even better so you can

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laugh at it later you know when you could laugh at something I'm telling you that's healing yeah yeah I did something

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similar when I don't know sometimes it's hard to walk into the house and and um I don't

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know I can't really remember what the reason was that I started doing this but when I walk into the house I always go

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honey I'm home with a big smile on my face because sometimes it can be hard to

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walk into the house right and that so I did that to create the atmosphere of

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like oh you're home you know how a dog comes up to you and they're so excited you're home and they want to kiss you

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and and yeah so I wanted it to be that way that I was excited to be

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home um because sometimes I've recognized that sometimes I would rather

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be someplace else and so um that was one of the things that I put in place to um

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take responsibility for how I enter a space yeah so I just wanted to share

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that that you reminded me of that Amanda in your story that yeah it is all about

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that's such a simple little shift and easy to

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practice love that example yeah oh and something as simple as smiling at

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somebody yeah yeah yeah have you been doing it every day

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now so he's getting used to you smiling when he walks up to the house I honestly can't tell you oh no after that I think

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he was off for two days so he was around but he does work tonight so I will thank you for the reminder because maybe I'll

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be smiling when he comes home and maybe naked too [Laughter]

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huh watch your sweet little heart got so o' at night [Laughter]

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girl love that great stories thank you for sharing

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so so how like did did your husband recognize the

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shift or I mean and it doesn't matter if he did or not I recognize it we all recognize it but I'm just curious like

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did you did you notice if he recognized any kind of a shift other than it like he didn't say

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he recognized it but it turned like funny when he came home right because I was smiling and he thought I was like

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something had gone wrong like you know he thought his mind went to uh oh like

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did I burn the house down or did I have a flat tire he needed to change you know

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like something was was going on and then another great example of him being

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respons responsible for what he's yeah so um so we just went to playful

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and we actually had a just a lovely evening is it just changed the tone we

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were able to sit down and you got to talk about work and you know it really did change the whole tone and that was

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me taking responsibility yeah

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beautiful I think the ways I started taking responsibility

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like creeping into that zone was just to watch my reactions like I get to choose

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my reaction I don't have to react either like everyone else reacts or how I've

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reacted in the past um or

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what even like like changing from being offended

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to being like Oh okay that's your opinion you know like that is uh that

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kind of thing has help me take more responsibility like that those were the

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little steps into a to bigger um ideas of taking responsibility but um that's

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been very helpful and it's helpful in marriage like you're saying it's helpful out in the world um I I don't feel like

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a pingpong ball or like a ball and a ping what are those um the play the

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games where you play the Ping P pinball pinball pinball not

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pinball machine I used to feel like a pinball machine up in in there like just bouncing off from reaction to reaction

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bad interaction is that guy at the store gonna say something to me you know like

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and I just don't do that anymore I I um I don't have to react I don't have to

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get involved and I can choose to think something completely different

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like I can bless the guy at the store instead of being worried that he's gonna

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you know cuss me out because I he thinks I cut him off in line or something so um yeah

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I think I used to be very defensive like just walking through life so defensive

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waiting for people to come at me and I don't do

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that anymore even though it was again that's like a huge like I'm creating my this

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life and I'm responsible but I was going through life thinking that everyone else was out there doing something to me so

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um I think that brings a lot of peace and then once you start experiencing that kind of Peace you want more of it

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so you want you figure out how to get less and less reactive less and less

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confrontational and more accepting your favorite word

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it yeah I love that you pointed out the the peace aspect of it Melissa because I

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think that is the the end goal that is it and I think that um for our listeners

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who might want to understand what exactly is the end goal because you you feel like you are giving up something

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right if if nobody else is to blame what am I getting in return what am I getting

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and it's the peace and the more you experience the peace the more you want

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of it so even if you're like Amanda her husband and you have you know 10 minutes

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of chaos and upset you're always once you have that taste of Peace your goal

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is always going to be back like I'm going to do whatever it takes to get back to peace and if that means

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accepting 100% responsibility maybe he was mean maybe he did have a bad day you

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know or maybe it was just my thoughts about him in either case I love peace I

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want peace and that's you know and that is the end

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goal yes this is little bit of a side note but I am listening to a book about

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Jesus but the translations from um the it's called the arama

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Aramaic Jesus and the word peace like TR You

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Know spoken I don't know what the word is in Aramaic but translated forward

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it's not peace isn't the absence of War peace isn't the absence of something

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peace is a state of being and it's it's so when you look about at it like that

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just like it's the state of contentment it's it's a state of being it's not

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trying to get rid of something so I completely agree like being in that

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state of peace once you're there you don't want that upset or like even if it crosses through

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I think it's it's more like a a flash in the pan and for me

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that my dogs are not at pece right

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now so funny well while you wait for them to settle I just want to acknowledge Melissa's friends request

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that we share more details about what we're referencing so what is the book book that you're reading

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Amanda the Aramaic Jesus by somebody with the last name

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clut Douglas K clutz okay huh it's not by Jesus it is not by

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Jesus It Is by uh I'm gonna find it okay because I love what's that your friend's

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name Jill Jill this is for you I'm going to look this up

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so back to the whole point of talking about peace Drilla you're right nothing

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is worth like I'm happy to take 100% responsibility to be in that state of

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Peace absolutely yeah and and like you said it's not the absence of anything it

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is always available to us it's always our true nature so really we're just

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like if we are activated or triggered it's like um you know shaking up the

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snow globe and we're just waiting for all of that to settle before we real recognize the peace that's been

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available to us the whole time and so just trying to access

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that that way of being non-reactive and not getting shaken up in the first place

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is is kind of the goal but I when you were sharing

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Melissa you uh said something about you know not getting as triggered by strangers rude strangers or whatever

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interactions out and about in the world anymore and um it made me think it made

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me think about the runin I've had with the neighbor recently I think I've shared with you all about how we have

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kind of a grumpy NE mean-spirited neighbor if I'm gonna label her um hey

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Sue isn't it salty Sue it is pen not not skanky

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Sue and um yeah and it's interesting because definitely I had a moment of

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like well this is interesting why me why of all people would she have beef with

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sweet little Old Morgan you know definitely had that temptation to go into that victim thinking but I shifted

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it pretty quickly and and the way that I worked with it this time is like I

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didn't even need to get into the how or why I'm choosing this situation I didn't

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need to understand like I just know on a blanket level I am responsible for this

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experience I don't need to know the ins and outs if I do need to know I trust

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that it will be revealed to me but I'm not sitting here like journaling about it or meditating about it or digging

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into it I'm just that acceptance word that Melissa loves to throw around I'm just accepting that this situation came

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into my awareness I don't much care for it I'm responsible um and it is it was pretty

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easy to forgive her and I just like like that's it that's that's my process you

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know what I mean like sometimes like if we like I have I have gotten sucked into

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that kind of pinball thing that were talking about Melissa of going back and forth in my mind like how the F did I

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create this and why the F would I create this and just trying efforting to figure

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it out and thinking that I had to figure it out before I could clear it and heal

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it and be done with it and you just don't have to do all that like yeah so spare yourself that

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like you can if you feel inspired to but you don't have to to dig into all of

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that so I'm I just want to say you can really say I can choose peace instead of this

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oh nice and then walk towards that and I want to make sure people know like if

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it's an abusive situation and you decide to choose peace you're not making it

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okay you but you are taking care of yourself in the fact that you are um

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choose you start seeing your choices in the situation and you

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choose uh to figure out how to bring peace to yourself and and your life

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rather than be in an abusive situation um and sometimes it's really

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hard I say practice with the easy stuff because then when the big stuff comes

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you will be so addicted to that feeling of peace that you will make the right

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steps towards peace and out of out of chaos but I do think one thing

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to ask yourself is do I like the chaos is there something about the chaos that works for me right now or even like

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maybe some people are just even realizing they're living in a chaotic situation and there is something

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different out of that there's I don't live in chaos but I've worked really

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hard to to walk away from chaos or not cre it in the first place I guess yes

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that's that's that's a good place too for for someone out there who's really

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trying to wrap their minds around how do I even begin to understand taking 100%

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responsibility you know I lost my job my dog died and my husband left like how is

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that possibly my you know responsibility and where do I began I think what you

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said is a good point it's just becoming first just becoming aware of your your

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situation aware of your thoughts what are my beliefs about this situation all

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all of the situations what are my thoughts about myself in general that I am never going to be happy you know

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those underlying thoughts that we keep telling ourselves so this is really just about be being aware of your thoughts

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you know I like when U Michael Singer Michael singer in the book um which one

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H gosh the surrender experience or the untethered Soul te Soul when he gives

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that that little example of the he he uses a car let's say